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As one of my teachers always says relationships are a cauldron of consciousness, in other words, all of that stuff that makes up our most significant relationships, the good, the bad, and the ugly. All of that offers us this opportunity to gain knowledge about ourselves. So in today's episode, we're going to look at how we can deepen our awareness of our own karmic patterns by looking at how we relate and we interrelate in our most significant relationship so stay tuned for that.
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Hey there Yogi's Welcome to Episode Three of the karmic warrior Podcast, where we're here to talk about living an extra ordinary life by applying the time proven and tested teachings of yoga wisdom traditions. I'm your host, Lisa Engles Witter, so be sure to subscribe to this podcast here on YouTube and anywhere else that you can find podcasts. Today, we're going to be looking at to karmic patterns that inevitably show up in most of our significant relationships. But before we get into it, I do have a free PDF for you called karma demystified, which you can download for free at karmic dashboard calm. And in this PDF. I lay out what karma is, how it's created, and how to work with the law of karma, so that you can break free from unhealthy patterns and live a freer, fuller life, I put the link in the description below, so be sure to grab it. So recently, my husband and I were spending the day with some friends, they're a married couple, and we were just spending the day together. And earlier in the day, I was hanging out with the wife, the woman, and she was disclosing to me some of the issues that were going on in her relationship with her husband. And from really, from her point of view, I would say, she was defending her perspective that he was he's like this overly cautious person, which keeps him and her opinion from making really important decisions in a timely manner. So in their case, they're, they're in a market to buy a house. And what had happened is that they lost out on this opportunity to get this one house that she really, really wanted, because they didn't get the offer in on time before the deadline. And she felt that was because he wasn't on top of it, he was being overly cautious, and they didn't get the papers, and they needed to get in. And so, you know, of course, she was feeling resentful and frustrated about that, because getting a house in this market, it's a hot market for houses right now. And it just seems like houses are coming up on the market. And they're being sold for you know, hundreds of 1000s of dollars over the asking price. And when you find one that you really want. And then something like this happens, you know, it causes some frustration and maybe some resentment in a relationship. So a little bit later during the day, I was then hanging out with the husband. And then he was disclosing to me his perspective on what had happened and what was going on in their relationship. And he was defending his need to be very practical and very cautious with things but he was also relaying to me how he had been an has been really, really busy at work. He was juggling two different jobs. He's in a transition and juggling transitioning out of his old job and into a new job and the workload is really high. So he was feeling himself also feeling frustrated and resentful because he didn't feel that he was being understood. And he felt like his wife was being overly critical of him. And he actually did admit, yeah, you know, I did drop the ball here on that house. And that was a bummer. But, you know, he said, it's because I had so much on my plate and I was I've been way too exhausted. I'm just come home at night and I'm completely exhausted, and I didn't have the energy to get that paperwork in. So, you know, they were experiencing, I think, a circumstance that any couple could potentially be experiencing in there. relationship, maybe you have your version, I know I certainly have my version of the same type of thing.
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And this experience for this couple was causing a disrupted relationship between them that was really causing a lot of tension. And as I said, at the beginning of the podcast relationships are a cauldron of consciousness. That is a saying that a teacher of mine always says, and I just think it's it's so true relationships are a cauldron of consciousness, and a disrupted relationship to others. So whenever we have a disrupted relationship to others, it's really a sign of a disrupted relationship with ourself. And a disrupted relationship with ourself is a symptom or really a sign of a disrupted relationship to the divine. And that's really the perspective that we take when we're on the yoga path. So I think you know, what happens in most normal relationships is that we focus on what the other person is doing, that's not making us happier. That's Said another way we're focusing on why the other person is making us unhappy, sort of like the friends, I was just giving the example about the little sort of case study story. But for those of us who are on the yogic path, we can use our relationships, to learn about ourselves. I think anybody who's on the path of personal development and spiritual growth is really interested in learning about, about themselves. I will say that, even though in my own experience of being a spiritual counselor, and coaching people over all the years that I've worked, even though people say that they're quote, unquote, right, err, quoting here on the spiritual path, it's it's sort of just like, a catchphrase, they're saying it, but they're not really living it. But to deepen our own awareness, to deepen our awareness about our own karmic patterns.
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That will happen when we start to understand how we relate and interrelate with others. But most specifically, in our most intimate relationships, in our most, most intimate relationships will be primarily that relationship that you have with your family members, whether it's your, your parents, your siblings, or your children, or of course, your your spouse, your partner. So that's where our karmic patterns are going to start to show up. So every relationship that we have is going to present us with this opportunity at some point or another, to ask ourselves the question, what is the nature of how I'm relating to this person? So we can begin to look within and ask ourselves in this moment, am I being open? Or am I being contracted? Am I armoring myself, or am I being open. And furthermore, why? What Lies Beneath that what's underneath behind how I'm showing up are karmic patterns. As I just said, they show up in how we relate specifically, they're going to show up in how we react so whenever you feel it, you know, the psychology word for it is triggered, whenever you feel triggered, that is a karmic pattern that's coming in, especially when the karmic pattern or when that that trigger feels really, really activated. And I'll say that karmic patterns sort of have this spectrum of sometimes they can be very subtle and elude us and we won't see them. Other times. They're right in our face, they're so magnified and intense, they're right there, you can't even get away from them. And as you begin to work with your karmic patterns on that spectrum, they start to become more and more subtle. And honestly, in my own experience with working with clients and and myself doing my own work, what you see is those karmic patterns are intense, those triggers are very intense at first and you want to talk about them and you want to be out in the world and like let everybody know about it, go to your therapist and talk to your therapist about it. And as As you start working through them and start clearing those karmic patterns or healing the wounds that are beneath the karmic patterns, they become more subtle, and sometimes harder to see. And oftentimes that is when you need to go get help, it's when, you know, sometimes we need the most help is when our patterns are so subtle that we can't see them. But I diverged here, let me get back to the topic here, which is, regardless of what happens is our karmic patterns cause us to feel disconnected from others, they cause us to feel disconnected from ourselves and disconnected from the divine. So that's why saying it, they disrupt our relationships, and they create a sense of unhappiness in our life. And so there's two litmus tests, I would say that is how I would describe them for these karmic patterns and other ways. In other words, two ways to see what our karmic patterns are, where they're playing out. And these two litmus tests our judgment, and denial, wherever there is judgment in a relationship or wherever there is denial, in a relationship, there is going to be a karmic pattern at play. So this is a really good place for you to begin, if you're a karmic warrior, which you are, if you're listening to this podcast, is to begin looking in your relationships, especially your most significant relationships, your relationships, either with your partner, your spouse, your family members, mother, father, sisters, brothers, children, start to look where am I in judgment? And where am I in denial in these relationships? Where am I judging others? And where am I denying aspects of myself, but also aspects of others in relationships. So if we go back to the story, I was relaying at the beginning of the podcast here, both of my friends were judging each other. You know, they were, they were judging. She was judging that he was being overly cautious. That's who he is. She's sort of boxed him in like he's always always, you know, blanket statement always overly cautious and takes too much time to make decisions. And he was like, she's always critical. Again, always blanket statement like, always is a key to like sort of that flag word of like, Okay, this is a blanket statement, because nothing can always be true. So they're both in judgment. Clearly, they were both in judgment, they were both also probably, I'm not their therapist, I'm not their counselor. But I can be pretty darn sure 99.9% sure that if they're in judgment, they're also in denial. So they're denying some aspect of themselves some aspect of each other. So judgment and denial are like two sides of the same coin. When it comes to,
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well, when it comes to the the seeing our karmic patterns, they're going to be two sides of the same coin, because judgment and denial are both forms of aversion. And in yoga wisdom, teachings, they tell us that a version is one of these two types of actions. So we have attachment or aversion. But aversion is one of two types of actions that we take that cause us to experience unhappiness in our life, right? And like I just said, the other is attachment. But today, we're talking about a version. And a version is this belief or this thought that I need to get rid of something in order to feel happy, or to feel whole or to feel good? So judgment is an external expression of aversion. For instance. In the case of this couple, she might be thinking to herself, if only he wasn't so cautious, then maybe I'd be happier in this relationship. If only he wasn't so cautious. Maybe I would have my dream house. And maybe on his side, of course, I'm just making this up. I have no clue what they're thinking because I'm not their therapist again. But just to for the sake of example, he might be thinking, well, if only she wasn't so critical, then I'd be happier in this relationship and you can again, think of your own experience in your own relationship. What comes up for you and the judgments that you have? So, to learn about ourselves through this type of aversion through judgment, we need to turn our judgment inward. We need to not only look at where we're judging others, but where we feel judged by others. So you sort of take it, I'm judging this person, but where do I also feel judged? Maybe she was thinking in this particular relationship, you know, I'm judging him as being too cautious. But a good thing for her to do would also be to look at where do I feel judged by him, that's always going to be at play in every significant relationship, I guarantee you unless you're enlightened, we all have to deal with judgment and denial. So the reason is, because you know, we're ever we are in a place of judgment and judging others, we're doing it in order to protect ourselves or some part of ourself that feels vulnerable, a part of ourselves that we don't want to be judged. So that's judgment in you know, high overview of judgment, then we have denial, right? So denial is an internal expression of aversion. Maybe the pain is just too much for me to handle. So I deny it and I deny a part of myself. So in order to learn about myself, or for us to learn about ourselves, we have to turn our denial outward and begin to ask ourselves questions like, Where am I denying any aspect of myself in this relationship, but also, where am I denying any aspect of the other person in this relationship again, if I am boxing someone in saying, He's always too cautious, then I'm also in that, in that frame, and that judgment, I blocked myself from seeing aspects of that person, I didn't in essence, I deny aspects of who that person is, as well, like caring, that person is probably loving, and, you know, supportive, these types of things. But I'm so focused on the the overly cautious that I'm denying the loving, caring, supportive aspects of that person, at least in that moment, these are things that we can begin to look at. And also begin to look at what need Am I trying to get met by denying these aspects of myself or of others. Now, I will warn you that this type of inquiry and work, which is critical to the path of a Yogi and if it's the path of a yogi is also the path of a karmic warrior.
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And it's going to bring up or has the potential to bring up within ourselves feelings of guilt, shame, and or blame. And so this is where radical compassion for ourselves is required as we walk this path. And as we start to shine the light of awareness on to aspects of ourself that we hadn't previously seen, that can be sort of ugly, that can be sort of, not so fun to look at, and maybe embarrassing or maybe vulnerable. And as we start to shine the light of awareness on those aspects of ourself, it's not the time to blame ourselves or to feel guilty or re, you know, regretful for what we did, but rather to step into a radical compassion for ourselves and start to understand that hey, Okay, I get it. I am showing up in this way. And this is an aspect of myself and it's a karmic pattern that I can begin to work with. But by giving it this attention, this type of attention in a compassionate type of way letting it be there is how we begin to heal the karmic patterns. So radical compassion is absolutely necessary as we walk this path. The Gift here is that yes, relationships are a cauldron of consciousness. However, if we stay in an unexamined life, which means if we stay in an unexamined relationship, and if we continue to not examine the ways in which we relate To our loved ones, we will perpetuate the karmic patterns that are causing us unhappiness in our life and in our relationships. So, my invitation to you here is to become a karmic warrior, to commit to seeing relationship as a path of awakening to who you truly are, and to begin to deconstruct all of those stories that you have about yourself and others to deconstruct the judgment to deconstruct those denials, until all that's a left for you is the truth and then abide in that truth, and then live your life from that truth. So thank you so much for joining me today and let me know your thoughts in the comments. If you're watching here on YouTube. Be sure to like this video. Of course, if you actually did like it, hopefully you did. And be sure to go to karmic dash warrior.com to get my free PDF to you karma demystified and I look forward to seeing you next time. Namaste. Stay
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